Chaos on my mind

Merely a test =)

Paweł — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 11:56:36 +0000

It’s been a long time since I last wrote anything here. Maybe I will though. Now – simply testing the M$ posting utility

‘Recollections in my head’

Paweł — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 21:29:58 +0000

Yeah, that’s just so truth that we are unable to judge our own doings. I think I’m realizing it now…
Some time ago, in vain and drunk I did something desperate. I don’t feel like describing it. But it seems that the price of my pride, instead of bringing future problems, at first seemed to hurt many people… but instead might have saved my friend from getting into shit he didn’t really want to get into, and saving another important to me person from potential pain. Maybe it brought happiness to me, too? Time will show…
Anyway, I don’t write often here. I’ve realized I don’t enjoy sharing my predictions, hopes and plans anymore – I keep them for myself, maybe afraid of spoiling them by even mentioning them. And once they’re done, I don’t feel like describing them either. And I don’t have time. I shall do my best to change these.
I’m haunted by thoughts ‘what would have happened if…?’. I guess my subconsciousness doesn’t like the fact, that for the first time in few years, everything seems more stable then ever, and it’s no longer a “sea of possibilities”, but rather a river, that flows, but can’t change direction too much…
I will see.

Leszek Żukowski – Coma

Paweł — Sun, 09 Dec 2007 19:40:58 +0000

One of the songs about which I think lately.
Translation and subtitles done hastly by me several hours ago.

Soul vortex, again

Paweł — Sat, 08 Dec 2007 09:42:55 +0000

What had happenned lately made me think a lot. Mostly the things that’ve been told to me.
I guess that what I’m talking about is soon to happen. Well, let me not go too far into the future, let’s just say, that those who know what I mean will understand anyway.
Did what I have heard make me somehow rejoice? Or did I feel somehow sorry? I can’t answer the question, I guess both at once. Do I feel any guilt? I would want to answer “Fuck no!”, but that wouldn’t be truth. I do feel somewhat guilty.The question I ask myself – “If I wasn’t there, If my non willed interference wasn’t there, would the things take the same course?”. If yes, they would happen so, then there is no point of me feeling guilty, is there? I actually guess that they would, and this makes me feel somewhat better. Now I guess, I would let just things go and watch. Still so much can happen. And also I will do my best to somehow chill out.

“46. Dost thou fail? Art thou sorry? Is fear in thine heart?
47. Where I am these are not.” AL: II
I think I’ll obey.

Anyway I still feel so fucking schizophrenic. Things are simply too fucked up. I will explain and write more on it later, once they things resolve.

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93! Hail Eris.

Paweł — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 21:14:49 +0000

With Thelemic and Discordian greeting.
Finally I have forced myself to start a weblog. A proper one, id est, one on which I actually am going to post something. There are so many things on my mind lately and I think this is the way of transferring them.. somewhere, anywhere, into the Aethyr ;] Not now though
To be continued
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